TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I wasn’t allowed to watch TV growing up because all the shows had “disrespectful kids” and “all the adults were idiots” (my mom’s words) and she wasn’t very well going to raise kids who think it’s OK to moon a teacher or something.

Because that’s what kids do, isn’t it? Imitate what they see on TV?

Especially if it’s something that a character does that’s funny like....uhh...whatever the 2015 equivalent to "I'm Bart Simpson who the hell are you?” line is.

(I wouldn't know. I don’t have kids, I have hangovers.)

But I imagine the concept is the same: parents don’t want their kids emulating something crude or rude or use an annoying catch phrase that they picked up from TV.

But what happens when the rude, crude behavior isn’t coming from the TV at all? 

What happens when all you really need to do is turn DAD off???

This was the case for me this past weekend, when, on a long beach walk, I observed a guy and his three sons taking professional photos.

(They were all wearing matching khakis and white button-up shirts.)

I didn’t notice them at first, since their colors blended in with the sand perfectly (haha) but then I noticed the dad...doing something.

...DOING THE PHOTOGRAPHER. 

FROM BEHIND.

Well, pretending to do her from behind.

What?? I squinted my eyes and looked harder. No way, I thought...that’s what frat boys do 23 beers in on the dance floor, not dads taking professional photos.

But then I saw it clearly.

In order to MAKE HIS SONS LAUGH, he was pretending to DO the photographer from behind, humping the air, and then he PRETENDED TO SMACK HER ASS.

The poor girl (dressed in all-black, professional) bent over to get a good eye-level picture not even realizing what this guy was doing behind her.

“WTF?!” I asked to no one, horrified at this guy’s...what...”dance moves?”

But it worked!

The three boys, ages 8-11 (or so) were CRACKING UP LAUGHING at their dad who was air-humping, pretend smacking, swinging his hand from side to side of the photographer's ass. It was embarrassing to even witness.

He’s was basically doing a one-man show of “let me ride that donkey donkey,” only the photographer was clueless.

Is THIS supposed to be these kids' role model??!? 

Way to teach the next generation of kids on how to behave, DAD. I'd rather have Bart Simpson.

I could just imagine one of them going back to third grade doing that to a teacher when she bent over thinking it was funny.

Doggy-style and ass smacking. WTF.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE OLD ‘BUNNY EARS’?!?! 

Is that no longer funny??? 

Since when is simulating sex with an unknowing professional the funniest thing you can think of? In front of your elementary school boys?

He really was playing the class clown role perfectly—when the poor photographer turned around to see what was so funny, dad would pretend to look at his watch.

And then when she started clicking, he'd start again with his hands simulated on her waist humping the air behind her.

OMG.

What a douche.

There is no amount of money he could have possibly paid her for having to endure that kind of humiliation.

Ugh.

Change the channel!!!

Better yet: Where's Shark Week when you need it??

-Jenny