TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Since I don’t have children, it’s been forever since I’ve heard about a good temper tantrum.

Like, a temper tantrum where (generally a child) yells at a person who has nothing to do with the real reason why they are mad, and irrationally calls them names.

This guy Nick, who dated my friend Sarah, was very similar to Ace Ventura in that he was mad about something football-related.

But he wasn’t mad about the missing stone from the 1984 AFC Championship Ring, it was that his college football team, Clemson University, had lost to the University of South Carolina.

(This was evidentially a few years ago haha)

Nick was dating my friend Sarah, who, it should be noted, is the absolute nicest person I have ever met. 

She is a sweet, gentle soul who never yells or raises her voice. She barely curses (ahem...cusses).

Sarah and Nick were both from South Carolina, but their college football allegiances were split, each one rooting for the other’s rival.

But since Sarah didn’t really care all that much, she donned the garish purple and orange of her rival team Clemson to go with Nick to the most anticipated game of the year. 

It had been several years since they each graduated and Sarah hadn’t been to a game in a long time. She was excited.

They had only been dating for a few months, so Nick should have been on his best behavior (dating tip #2234825).

But at the game, when it was clear that University of South Carolina was going to beat Clemson, Nick became angry...at Sarah for some reason.

Mind you the same Sarah who had lovingly pulled for his team and even shouted “Go Tigers” in the stands. (that’s love).

When the game ended, Sarah tried to be supportive and cheer him up with an it’s OK, at least now we get to go get alcohol somewhere, but Nick was not having any of it.

He started yelling at poor, sweet Sarah about how all University of South Carolina people were “dicks” and how he hated everyone who went to school there.

Uhhhhhh...

Now, any girl would be completely turned off by these insults, but it was especially shocking to Sarah, the sweet, gentle soul who no one would ever think to yell at.

She started walking a few steps behind him.

It was that moment when Nick saw freshly-painted graffiti on the grassy knoll at the stadium. 

A thoughtful “YOU SUCK” directed at Clemson fans, written in the signature University of South Carolina maroon.

“WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON???” Nick bellowed to no one.

Sarah said she froze the two strides behind him as people filed out of the stadium around them. 

No one else seemed to care that much about the graffiti.

Nick then looked at Sarah, and shouted at her.

 "ASSHOLES!!! LOOK AT WHAT THESE ASSHOLES DID!!" he yelled.

And then: YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!!! Nick screamed.

...AT SARAH

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

????????????

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm sorry, but did SHE HAVE RED GRAFFITI PAINT ON HER HANDS??

(DID SHE URINATE ON HIS RUG???)

It was ridiculous.

Sarah said she didn’t know what else to do, so she turned around in the other direction and ran away.

LOL

LOL

SHE BOLTED!

Literally ran as fast as she could to the exit.

Hahahahahaha

(That is the sign of a really, really bad date.)

“SARAH!” she heard Nick scream, but she didn’t dare turn around.

Why would she?

SHE wasn’t an asshole and SHE wasn’t going to be talked to that way.

And SHE wasn’t going to be around for when Nick got in trouble for being unruly, or for when he’d get punched in the face by a college frat guy.

She took a cab back to her apartment and cut Satan, uhhh, I mean Nick off completely.

(Sorry, he sounded like someone else. LOL)

UGH.

Luh-hooo-zu-herrrr

-Jenny